#this feels like a Good next step
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Time and Time Again comes back tonight!
Thank you all for being so patient with me, I know it was a long hiatus.
My health was struggling, my arm was (is) hurting, and I decided it wasn't worth it. I'd rather be slow!
So thank you for giving me that grace, and I hope you'll be there with me for the rest of the series.
#like straight up. it's not worth it. idc how many people get mad at me#i would rather work fuckin. anything else than maintain this impossible schedule and keep hurting myself#if thats what it takes to do comics full time. then i can't do comics full time. simple as that!#i hope that for my next work i can have a healthier schedule and still make this work as my job#but if not. I'm never going back#i can't do it. 3 more years at this pace will take my ability to draw#anyways. its really good!!!#like genuinely i can feel a marked improvement in my skills#which is WILD!!! And I'm extremely happy about that!!!#just one more step into being better built to give people the quality stories they deserve.#ive not properly had the fire under my ass to finish stuff up but. its fine.#like i said? not worth it.#if i have to pause again then ill pause again. like i literally simply can not my body can't handle it#so. hopefully stuff goes smoothly but whatever happens will happen#whatever will be will be#i keep getting distracted lmfao#im excited about it coming back#and also. will. probably be distracting myself...#other creators dont read their comments. I'm like straight up not capable of that LMAOOO#i check for comments like all the time#love seeing em. love reading people's thoughts about my work#it makes me a better writer and keeps me connected to what matters most. which is my audience!#so i dont regret doing that but also. jts extremely distracting#i get straight up nothing done on big update days#cause im in the comments absolutely massive eyed refreshing.#this sounds obsessive. and it is. no jk#its just fun and keeps me in touch w peoples perception which helps me learn to write better#plus people are nice and ask me questions that i wanna answer#or if someone is being an ass. then i wanna tell them to leave (cause i cant block people) cause i consider it my responsibility#time and time again
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Broke: bill and ford fucked
Woke: bill and ford were too emotionally repressed and bad at communicating to realize they wanted to fuck
Bespoke: fiddleford is absolutely convinced they fucked but really they were just blushing and briefly locking eyes/eye over interdimensional chess and pining uselessly for each other like a pair of lesbian sheep
#omg get out of my headddd 🫣#omg you firrrrst 🤭#*they brush fingers one time while playing interdimensional chess and bill is so embarrassed he erases ford's memory of the entire day*#ford thinks this is purely academic#like he thinks these feelings are the logical next step to doing really well on a standardized test#everyone blushes and giggles when they're doing the science real good right????#like your heart pounds???? that's the sound of progress babyyy#bill hasn't introspected since [REDACTED]#book of bill#billford#gravity falls
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Otto in watercolor
#i realized that i forgot the grey in his hair but i dont feel like fixing it#tbh whenever a portrait turns out good i have no idea what i did#like i do all the same steps but sometimes it comes out good and sometimes it doesn't#i realized it had been a while since id drawn an older person and theyre so fun to draw#wrinkles and beards are both so fun#i realised id never painted a beard before so that was fun#might do corlys next#might#art#my art#asoiaf#fanart#hotd#house of the dragon#otto hightower#house hightower#hightower#team green#hotd otto#watercolor#a song of ice and fire#hotd fanart
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this physically pains me, he’s on the brink of death and he’s apologizing. i cannot wait until this man undergoes enough healing to develop some kindness for himself
#the sunshine court#tsc#jean moreau#aftg#lowkey wish this blurb about renee getting jean out of eau was like the prologue in tsc#or smth in the back of the book#bc its so good#and more importantly i feel like the text that jean sends renee to come get him is so important to his character#bc i think there’s some implication that he’s asking renee for help#but he doesn’t#he pulls a ‘thank you you were amazing’ bc he’s ready to die#and i think that makes a big impact on the way he acts throughout tsc#i saw some criticisms of tsc like ‘well i thought jean would be more ready to heal and reject the ravens#bc he’s already made that first step’#but he hasn’t made that first step he was ready to give up#he’s just continuing to survive bc he doesn’t have an alternative#and that changes throughout tsc and will continue to change in the next book#i could go on about this actually
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I love Monster Next Door but they are not going to make me feel sorry for Jane. I mean it's obvious that those girls aren't actually her friends but they also aren't wrong. But she hasn't done any self reflection and she has been nothing but cruel to Diew. I'm glad he stood up for himself and he unintentionally really hit her where it hurt.
#monster next door#i don't think jane is necessarily above redemption#it's just gonna take a lot more work than i think the show is willing to put in for her#so i doubt i'll be happy with any redemption she might get#like we were supposed to feel sorry for her in that bathroom and i just didn't#the issue is that those girls backtracked#and listen. if you're gonna talk behind someone's back like that#you gotta own it when confronted and face to face with that person#you gotta be like yeah i said what i said and am i wrong? otherwise you just continue to enable the behavior#that you yourself find aggravating#if jane being attention seeking bothers you then you either got to tell her that and ask her to change#or acknowledge the friendship isn't for you and step back#but just encouraging the behavior you hate to turn around and bitch about it is not a good look either#honestly i understand jane's purpose in this story i just wish there was less of her
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this nemesis ambition started out a little slow but I am getting closer to finding that bastard who killed my wife, and I’ll not rest a minute now that im far closer to on his trail
sorry got in character for a second
Anyways fun ambition so far very fucked up though
congratulations on joining the murder club anon!!!! depending on who you ask the name refers to either people who have murdered or people who have witnessed murder. usually both. actually extremely often both. it's a swell time you'll feel right at home (don't mind our collective skyglass knife collection in the back)
#im still not far into nemesis personally but im very much enjoying it#honestly in a weird way it feels like it's moving faster than HD did. which. is funny bc nemesis is like The gated behind item grinds quest#idk. HD was a fun slowburn where we adventured around gathering our rogues gallery before the action kicked in#nemesis on the other hand feels like im picking up halfway through a batman serial#fallen london#ask#it's WAY more fucked up right off the bat than HD was. honestly ive thought abt red honey for ages. that's so fucked up#and we LEAD with that?? Okay#definitely a horrors-filled ambition befitting caeru (the guy who's constantly going through horrors)#it really encourages you to get fucked up and freaky and in ur character's headspace at basically every step along the way#i only have HD to compare it too but HD was like. a lot more interpretative in comparison? at least to me. that's what it felt like#and i adore HD for that dont get me wrong here#HD just also waited until like. halfway through before it asked what the scoundrel actually Wanted out of its heart's desire#nemesis in comparison is right off the bat who died? who are you mourning? anguish. justice. there must be vengeance.#it's a delightfully different vibe!! i like it!!!#oh god sorry anon im doing the classic yin talking way too much in the tags thing again#i havent had much excuse to talk abt nemesis and what i think of it so far and of course its rp effects on caeru#but i do have a handful of thoughts on it#it's good. im liking it so far. it's starting very strong if nothing else. and i have no spoiler knowledge of what happens in the future#beyond the choice between rewards at the very end#and im SO curious how we'll get to that point. what horrors will we adventure through next? off we go to find out!#it's biggest glaring weakness so far is how horrendously grindy it is. and like. ive been warned and done my research ahead of time#im doing it on the same account im seeking. i knew what i was getting into. but also gots damn.#in comparison HD's 5-card lodgings and dreamgate feel like footnotes#anyway while im already way too deep into rambling did you know the honey trip gives you fate?? insane. why does it do that. hilarious even
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hi cheye! i just wanted to let you know that i'm pulling for you. i love your artwork, remember that you deserve good things.
thank u! this particular goal/event is surrounded by a lot of mixed emotions from the outside but is something that would ultimately better my life... everybody give me ur good energy pleaag 🧿🧿🧿
#skunk mail#Anonymous#there's lots of Good things surrounding me and happening this year; which is my sign to go through with this as it would be a big milestone#for me... i really hope i can do it. i hope i am approved... i hope my mom gets over it quickly. 🧿🧿🧿#also worried though bc the staff being bad means i might have to wait longer and id really like this done before the election LMAOOOOOO#if informed consent HRT gets taken away from me next yr at least nobody will be able to take this away from me.#one step closer to my body feeling like it belongs to me
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moving and unpacking will be the very bane of my conscience for the next few days, so I'm sorry if my activity on here becomes inconsistent.
but I'll be working on my next piece in the background as well so hopefully I can get that out before Brothership (very inevitably and rightfully so) breaks the internet. :) maybe the 4th or 5th?
#and then there’s school like always which… ugh#but it’s starting to cool down since my semester ends in a month so that’s good#we’re making good progress on the house! she’s beautiful and livable#but it's hard on my parents cause me and my siblings are away I feel so bad#had to show up this weekend and definitely showing up next weekend#I drove on the highway at night I’m such a big girl#okay yeah let me shut up stepping back for a bit#love you guys 🫶🏾#it’s incredibly rare I do these it feels weird
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You’re new to the Princess-Rescuing business, aren’t you? (P1 | P2 | P3) (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#The Captain#DAX#My brain presented me with a punchline and then stepped back to let me figure out how to get there#And then had the audacity to feel silly for making the path!#How rude#Lol#Well I did it anyway! And it was in fact silly but in a good and fun way! So there brain! Lol#It was admittedly a bit touch-and-go for a while - I love silliness so much! But it kept turning out in a way I wasn't satisfied with#And then I'd draw the next thing and be like ''No actually that's funny/cute'' and everything was fine - and then it'd repeat! Pfft#But I'm happy with it by the end so it's fine >:3c Trust the process!#Anyway - the the Actual Thing lol#Considering the various SCII/adjacent vibes lately it might not surprise you to hear that alt outfits have come back into my crosshairs#Cough cough Pirate Fic cough - but those aren't the only vibes! Make something similar but not the same! Why not fantasy!#It is a classic go-to lol#It was fun thinking how the Captain's uniform could be translated into a more Princely aesthetic haha#I didn't do the same for DAX but that's mostly 'cause I just wanted to put him in human clothes lol#Plus I'm sure you can imagine who else will feature :3c And they couldn't just match! Part of the comedy is appearance-based!#Which is part of why it's funny for DAX to answer in the first place haha ♪ That's no dragon!#The Captain always bursting onto the scene without thinking things over first haha - what were you expecting Captain!#Also hey rude don't look so relieved that DAX wasn't the princess! What if it was a test and he /was/ the princess!#He'd be in so much troubleeeee ♪ Well he still might be hehehe
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Just saw Kung fu Panda 4.
Well, it was certainly a movie…..
Action was good, music was a banger as always, voice acting was top notch, no surprise there.
That’s all I got positive wise.
#this felt Ike such a film that still needed some work around writing wise#Po felt like he had reverted to his previous character in KFP1 versus how he felt in the 3rd film#at least how that felt to me#and they way they introduce the plot point of him having to renounce his title of dragon warrior and choose a successor felt so sudden#Shifu just tells him ‘’you gotta become a spiritual leader and choose a successor for your previous title’’ JUST OUT OF THE BLUE#He said it was the next step in his journey when it didn’t feel like a natural step. it felt like he was rushing him because…we need a plot#Li and Ping being worried dads and spending time together was entertaining. I did enjoy those two#the chameleon was meh. Viola did a good job voicing her but that’s all I got for her#fucking Tai Lung showed up for like 10 fucking minutes#and half of that time was even him. it was the Chameleon as him#Again shouldn’t be surprised but I kinda wanted to see him more a bit y’know?#have him help Po in the final fight or whatever idk#but yeah film was honestly mid#kfp 4#kfp4#kfp4 spoilers#kung fu panda 4
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It is interesting with Antoinette. I could see it being that Lestat genuinely had affection for her, even if he would certainly have killed her had Louis personally asked him to -- or it could be that she was just familiar, and he wanted the closest thing to intimacy he could get, so someone who knew him was better than someone who didn't. And the whole possibility that she reminded him of Gabrielle in some ways...
(x)
Yeah, I totally agree, anon.
I actually unfortunately suspect that Antoinette isn't a character the show will really come back to, and I think I'm one of three people that cares about that, haha, but where I tend to land on her relationship with Lestat is the fact that neither Lestat nor Louis actually have any friends.
That's not to say that I think Lestat and Antoinette were just friends, I don't, they obviously fucked a lot (which like, also comes down to the fact that Lestat doesn't know how to have friends he doesn't fuck, haha), but I do think the reality is that Lestat and Louis have very different racial and cultural contexts, hobbies and areas of interest which aren't things they can easily share with each other, especially not in early-1900s America, and I think that's a bigger factor in their relationship breakdown than either will admit to.
It's why Louis' able to reconnect with Jonah so quickly - they might be leading different lives, but they have more overlapping factors than they don't, whereas he and Lestat have less than they do - and for Lestat as a white theatre kid, he needs to be around other performers. I think with Antoinette, she's obviously a talented vocalist and an ambitious artist, and I can see that genuinely just being company that Lestat wants to be close with. They probably talk shit about crap theatre they've seen and do vocal runs together and fuck, and honestly for a part of Lestat, that would lowkey be a dream relationship, haha. Do I think they have a deep emotional connection? No, but given even Louis' willing to admit she's talented, and his own complex relationship with not succeeding as an artist, I wonder how much that factors in to his portrayal of her and his insecurities around their relationship (to say nothing of the fact that she's both white and a woman).
This feels like it's going on a hundred tangents, haha, but my point is maybe they'd step out on each other less or descend into unforessen levels of chaos and destruction if they both had a few friends they could talk about their identities and niche interests with!!
#this is not actually related to your ask but i've been thinking a bit about different family make ups lately#and while i was hungover this morning after yoga and getting breakfast with my mum#i told her about how one of our production coordinators at work - let's call her A - had a baby last year with her wife#and they had a very good friend who's gay who became their sperm donor#and he's like#LOVING being fun uncle and A and i were talking about it the other day at work because she was genuinely shocked because he's#been very open about how much he does not want kids of his own and it caused a lot of hesitancy with her and her wife taking him up on offe#but how much he's stepped up#she said he's been amazing#and he's been so helpful and supportive and done so much running around for them when they've been knocked sideways with having a newborn#and he loves being with his little niece who's actually his biological daughter and getting to give her back#and A was like we were close before but now he's my daughter's uncle and now he truly feels like my brother#and A and her partner and him are already talking about having another baby in the next year or so#idk why your ask made me remember this#maybe i was just thinking about it still after talking to mum about it over breakfast#but idk maybe it comes back to this whole idea that queer family units are inherently unconventional in our current structure#and applying conventional tropes to them doesn't work#which again has nothing to do with your ask haha just something i'm thinking about#lestat asks#iwtv asks
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A story of romance, drama, and politics which neither Trevelyan nor Cullen wish to be in.
Canon divergent fic in which Josephine solves the matter of post-Wicked Hearts attention by inviting invites four noblewomen to compete for Cullen's affections. In this chapter, Trevelyan has someone she'd like to impress.
(Masterpost. Beginning. Previous entry. Next entry. Words: 3,848. Rating: all audiences, bar a few swears.)
Chapter 42: The Ball
The Great Hall was adorned in its finest, the banners of the Inquisition unfurled. A quartet played upon the dais, the floor before them awaiting its dancers. Attendees of every strata—advisors, digintaries, mages, soldiers—exhibited their most exquisite attire, anticipating the arrival of their guests of honour.
The door thundered open. A herald announced their names:
“Presenting! Lady Erridge of West Coldon, Lady Samient of Samient, Baroness Touledy of Val Misrenne, and Lady Trevelyan, of Ostwick!”
The Ladies strode in, none finer than they. Lady Erridge wore her pinkest, most ruffliest dress yet; Lady Samient wore her tightest, of dark, snakish leather; the Baroness wore her most glamorous, a gown in deep and passionate red—with a mahogany cane to match, of course.
Trevelyan entered last of all. The ballgown she wore? Unrecognisable.
The black brocade was gone, the lace ripped from its seams with wicked delight. All that remained was perfect canvas of purest navy, onto which it could be painted—with shining, silvery thread.
Her mother would’ve fumed at the very idea. But what good was learning embroidery, if one did not use it in defiance? Each Lady had taken up a quadrant of her own, yet the stitches they had sewed were all the same: dozens upon dozens of tiny, shimmering, stars.
Trevelyan sparkled with every step. Diamonds glittered around her neck, lent eagerly by the Baroness. Every candle’s flame glistened upon her. Even the night sky could not compare.
Were it not for the musicians, the room would have been stunned to silence. Whispers of admiration made their circuit. Trevelyan drank in the praise, striding through the parting crowds. They led her to the foot of the dais, where the Ladies had gathered, and where an elegant figure—clothed in blue and gold—stood tall. With little more than a smile and a gesture, Lady Montilyet brought the room to a hush.
“Friends of the Inquisition!” she proclaimed. “Thank you for attending! If I may, I wish to propose a small toast, to some of our departing guests.”
She raised her glass. “A toast to Lady Erridge and Lady Orroat, to the union of your families and of Coldon! A toast to the Baroness Touledy, for victory in Val Misrenne! And a toast to Lady Samient, for her safe journey home!”
Glasses and steins clinked together, accompanied by a hearty cheer.
“But to Lady Trevelyan of Ostwick,” Montilyet continued, “we do not say farewell. Gathered friends, may I please introduce you, to our new Arcanist!”
Applause went up, echoing off the walls, and filling the room with joy. Trevelyan laughed in delight, and caught glimpses of her friends amongst the crowd. Varric clapped, Dorian hollered, and even Sera cheered—though none were as enthusiastic as Dagna herself!
Still, there was one face she could not quite find.
“Tonight, we celebrate!” Montilyet declared. “So please, enjoy!”
The band launched into triumphant fanfare; good humour and good company were the orders of the evening. The Ladies, all aflutter, went about these goals with giddiness and verve.
“Won’t you come dance?” asked Erridge, having already recruited Lady Orroat to her cause.
Trevelyan startled, her attention elsewhere. She stumbled and stammered over her excuses. “Oh! Later, perhaps? There’s something, I, um...”
Lady Samient picked up on her meaning, and picked up her slack. “Come, Lady Erridge! I’ll dance with you.”
Appeased, Lady Erridge escorted her away. Trevelyan withdrew from the dancefloor.
She could dance another time. She did not wish to muss her hair or catch her skirt. Her eyes scanned the party. Her fingers trembled. The moment he saw her had to be perfect.
A hand caught her shoulder. The Baroness, apparently having already procured a drink, leant over, and tilted it forward.
“There,” she whispered.
The crowd parted, as if by her will. True to her word, at the other end of the room, there he stood. The man she’d been searching for.
The Commander.
Maker, he had only become more handsome the longer she had known him. That rough-hewn jaw of his, and the dishevelment of stubble upon it; the subtle waves in his hair, hints of his rebellious curls; those dimples upon his cheeks—the thumb-prints of the divine, left where the Maker’s scultping hand had gone astray.
And his weary eyes, whose gentle gaze found her, and drew her closer.
Trevelyan admired, as she approached, the coincidence of the navy blue doublet that Lady Montilyet had undoubtedly advised him to wear. Hm. She liked him better in red. Suited him more, perhaps—though it mattered little. There was nothing that could dull the shine of him; true gold, after all, did never rust.
A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, as he straightened to greet her. And he would have done so, perhaps warmly, perhaps sweetly—had a scout, uniformed and on duty, not appeared at his side.
Ah, fuck.
They whispered something to him beneath the hubbub of the ball, which sharpened back into focus. Though Trevelyan heard nothing of the Commander’s reply, when his attention returned to her, his smile was gone.
“Arcanist,” he said, with a bow. “I’m afraid you’ll have to excuse me. There is urgent business to which I must attend.”
Bloody typical.
“Of course,” she told him, magnanimously. “Duty calls.”
“At inconvenient times,” he muttered.
“No duty is ever convenient,” she commented. That seemed to amuse him, at least.
“I will return as soon as I am able, I assure you.”
“Yes, Commander.”
She curtsied to him, and allowed him to depart. The scout lingered by the rotunda door; the Commander followed them through.
Gone.
Trevelyan looked down at her pretty, sparkly skirt, and fluffed it up, pointlessly. Not quite the moment she’d been hoping for.
Oh, well. She would have ample opportunity for such moments with him in the coming days. If he didn’t get called away by something or other during those, too.
Stowing her frustration, Trevelyan returned to the party. There was plenty there to distract her, anyway. She watched the Ladies dance together; she enthused with Dagna about their work; she spoke to Lady Montilyet about her new quarters (ready tomorrow!); and she gossiped with Dorian about absolutely nothing of note—though he was, as always, terribly good conversation.
Yet still no Commander.
The noise of the music and the chatter and the stomps of the dancing were beginning to blur in her brain. Dorian noted her change in temperament, as she attempted to peer through the garden door from afar. Too many in attendance; the party had spilled out into it. It was no less busy out there than it was in here.
“Try up there,” Dorian suggested, indicating the mezzanine above. It seemed Sera had been banned from it today, as there was no skulking to be seen. “It has a balcony, if you need some air.”
“Thank you,” said Trevelyan. She’d had little cause to ever stray up there before—but this seemed as good a reason as any. She bid him farewell, and escaped up the stairs.
The moment she reached their peak, her troubled mind calmed. Mere feet above the chaos, the music came quieter, the conversation nothing more than ambience. Thank the Maker.
Besides, this mezzanine was well-furnished for a somewhat hidden space, with a luxurious chaise and portraits of figures Trevelyan did not quite recognise. The candelabrum here were not lit, leaving all illumination to that of the moons, whose glow trickled through a pair of glass doors—beyond which, as promised, was a balcony.
But Trevelyan felt enough at ease to stay inside—and she found the view of the party below to be quite of interest. The dancers weaved such wonderful patterns; outfits, in all colours, were arrayed like a painter’s palette. She could watch, as those she knew flitted from one group, to another. An enjoyable pict—
The rotunda door opened, drawing her eye. The Commander entered the hall. He strode into the party with such determination, it was as if it did not exist around him. Trevelyan traced his path as it led him, direct, to the Baroness.
They huddled against a wall. He whispered something. Urgent business? Oh, no.
But the Baroness smiled. Wider and wider. She asked him a question; he replied with nod. She placed a hand over her heart, and sighed. Trevelyan did the same.
If the news they shared was what she hoped, then she was rather glad she hadn’t kicked up a fuss at the Commander’s departure. Because if it was what she hoped, then he could have left all night, and still she would smile.
Maker, she had to see the Baroness—and she would have, if not for the feet hurrying up the stairs. The Baroness? No cane. Then—!
The Commander sprang onto the landing, startling himself as much as he startled her, determination abandoning him in an instant. “Arcanist!” he stammered, attempting to bow. “Forgive me—Dorian told me you were here.”
That crafty bastard. Trevelyan put his schemes aside, and asked, “Is everything all right, Commander? What was your urgent business?”
Before he’d even said a word, he smiled. That alone brought her relief. “There was a message from the Inquisitor,” he told her. “The battle is won. Val Misrenne is safe.”
Trevelyan could scarcely believe it. She clasped a hand over her mouth, a beaming smile beneath it. She shook her head, out of sheer incredulity. By Andraste. She could not fathom how dear Touledy felt.
“Thank the Maker,” she breathed. “Or, I suppose—thank you, Commander.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I think it is the Inquisitor��s party and the guard of Val Misrenne who ought to have the credit of it.”
“Of course, but you may take a little as well, Commander. Your handling of the situation was… impressive, to say the least.”
Such a compliment did not seem to sit well with him, for he stuttered as if he had not the words to form a reply. Awkwardness prevailed, until his fortunes changed, and his eyes chanced upon the balcony doors.
“Forgive me, I didn’t meant to disturb you. Were you… headed outside?”
Trevelyan smiled. She looked at them, then at him. “Preferably not alone.”
“Oh. I could...”
She backed into the doors, her eyes beckoning him to follow. He trailed after her as if in a trance, stepping through, to the tranquil night beyond.
The stars above shone in greeting, illuminating the finely-carved stone of the balcony balustrade. Trevelyan rested herself upon it, gazing out. The Commander’s presence, a warmth in the absence of the sun, settled beside her.
“It’s... a nice night,” he said.
She quite agreed. The entire courtyard was laid out before them, from the tavern—as lively as the party they’d left behind—to the stables—quiet, at this time of day. Moonlit stone, punctuated by glowing torchlight, encircled the fortress, and banished the darkness from its embrace.
“I, ah, have something for you,” he said, hand fumbling within his jacket. “I believe this is yours.”
He managed to locate this ‘something’, and freed it from its concealment. A white cloth, that flashed in the moonlight, embroidered with leaves Trevelyan recognised. It was far more pristine than the last time she’d seen it.
The napkin slipped pleasantly from the Commander’s fingers into her own. She noted the warmth of his proximity, still lingering within the weave, and the sweet, earthy scent that had been left by his possession.
“Technically,” she teased, “I believe it is Lady Montilyet’s.”
“I hardly think she’ll miss it.”
“I certainly hope so.” She tucked it away—safe. “Thank you, Commander.”
“Thank you for the use of it,” he said. “Though, speaking of Lady Montilyet—you, ah, took the offer. To become Arcanist.”
“I did.”
“Good.”
“Good?”
The Commander stammered, “For you—I mean. I mean, I am glad. That—despite how you came to be here—you have found enough reason to stay.”
Trevelyan shook her head, and smiled. “I know that I ought to have left, and truly have started my life afresh… but that would have been dishonest, to what I truly want.”
“May I ask… what is it?”
“What?”
The Commander met her eye. “That you… want?”
She bit back the smile that threatened to betray her. “Well… I suppose there is one thing—”
Feet clattered up the stairs. Trevelyan stopped herself. As if she were summoned by these precise circumstances, Lady Erridge stumbled out onto the mezzanine.
“Lady Trevelyan!” she called. “Oh, Commander, there you are! Sorry to disrupt, but I came to see if you should like to dance!”
The Commander shook his head. “No, thank you. I don’t dance.”
Erridge giggled. “I know! I wasn’t speaking to you, Commander! Come, Lady Trevelyan! The Commander shall have plenty of time to whisper with you when we are gone!”
Though the interruption was not exactly ideal, Trevelyan could not deny the sentiment. She curtsied to the Commander, somewhat apologetically.
“It seems I am summoned away. Urgent business, I believe they call it.”
His mouth tilted into a smirk; it made her skin tingle. “Another time, then.”
“Of course.”
Raucous music caught their ears, and Erridge perked. “Come along!” she said, snatching up Trevelyan’s hand. She threw a hasty farewell to the Commander over her shoulder, and whisked Trevelyan away. They tumbled down the stairs together, bursting onto the main floor of the hall—as the band cued a jig.
“Over here!” called Samient and Orroat, from the dancefloor. In the absence of Lady Erridge, they had partnered together—but saved a spot beside them, just in case.
Trevelyan and Erridge squeezed past the other dancers, and hurried to take it. They joined hands—properly, this time—and waited for the song to start, giggling all the while.
Strings and wind erupted into a prancing melody of alternating highs and lows, and caught them quite off-guard. But Lady Erridge sprang to action, and Trevelyan followed her lead. They bounced around the floor with zest and zeal, clapping their hands, kicking their legs into the air. Skirts clashed and flew, an explosion of fabric and colour.
It burst apart, into an exchange of dancers. Trevelyan sailed into the arms of Lady Orroat, who cut as fine a form as one could expect.
“So this is what you were all up to yesterday?” she said, of Trevelyan’s dress. “Maker, it’s beautiful!”
Though the compliment was quite routine, a look of panic struck the passing Lady Erridge. “Look, dear Orroat!” she called, loosing a hand from Samient’s, to jab her finger at some collection of stars. “I sewed those ones!”
Dancers parted again, to what must have been Erridge’s utmost relief. Trevelyan swapped Orroat for Samient, the latter of whom smiled as if amused.
“It seems dear Erridge has quite reversed her position on your knowing Lady Orroat,” she whispered.
Trevelyan giggled. “Good, for I could hardly say we should make such a handsome couple as they!”
Nor one so well-suited. It seemed the touch of her dear Orroat’s hand had quelled Lady Erridge’s worry in an instant, and the pair twirled and danced so pleasantly to the eye, it made Trevelyan miss a step. Samient ably accounted for the fumble. It was a wonder how she danced so well, in a dress so constricting. Then again, it was a wonder how this was Trevelyan’s first stumble, in a dress so grand.
Though their jig came to an end, another began—and Lady Erridge would not be satisfied with just the one! Trevelyan was made to dance the next three complete, until—quite exhausted—she formulated an excuse, and made her exit.
The sight of the Baroness at the edge of the dancefloor was quite welcome, as if safety and anchor in a storm. Trevelyan hurried towards her, and greeted her with a smile and an embrace—for which they both knew the reason.
“I’ve heard the news,” she said, as she recovered her breath. “How do you feel?”
The Baroness sighed. “Relieved. When I leave for my home tomorrow, I shall return to find it at peace—but that peace has not come without sacrifice. And yet, I know it could have been so much more. That Val Misrenne and its people still stand is worth celebrating.”
“It is. And I hope that it brings you peace, as well.”
Trevelyan hugged her again—but the music’s sudden and effervescent return caused her to jump. Laughing at herself, Trevelyan glanced back at the dancefloor.
“You know, I am surprised Lady Erridge has not called you up for a jig!”
The Baroness chuckled. “No, no, my leg is far too frail for that.”
“Really?” Trevelyan raised an eyebrow. “I remember you saying that you still dance.”
“I do.” She grinned. “But the leg is an excellent excuse.”
Trevelyan caught her meaning. “Lady Erridge’s enthusiasm is quite difficult to match.”
“Indeed. She has the stamina of a demon. Though I’m sure Lady Orroat could find some use for that.”
Trevelyan laughed. “Your Ladyship! Please, I feel so terrible teasing her!”
“Then you should not like to hear what we say about you and him.”
The Baroness winked, as if to point. Trevelyan, utterly confused by who ‘him’ was, heeded the suggestion. She turned, laid her eyes upon the man in question, and groaned. Weaving past the dancers was—she ought to have guessed it—the Commander.
“Oh, Maker! You all have far too much—” She halted, realising the Baroness’s mouth was half-open, her cane being raised in the air. “No, no—!”
“Commander!”
He heard the call. His head whipped round. No stopping it now—he was coming towards them.
“Baroness!” Trevelyan hissed.
Touledy smiled, gave a suggestive flick of her brow, and said nothing more. Though Trevelyan was almost glad of this—the Commander ought not hear anything she was thinking.
“Ladies,” he greeted, upon arrival. “Is there something you need?”
“Why, yes,” said Touledy, all too confidently. What was she up to? “Lady Trevelyan here wishes another dance, but I am afraid I am unable to”—she flashed her cane—“would you be able to dance with her Ladyship, in my stead?”
“Oh.” The Commander softened. "Are you all right?”
Trevelyan noted, rather indignantly, that the Commander asked this question with the same sort of gentle voice that he often put on for her. This was a concept which, she suddenly discovered, she did not like. Why, oh why, did she have to make him befriend the other Ladies? Fool.
“Yes, thank you,” the Baroness answered, “but her Ladyship must have a dance.”
Trevelyan rolled her eyes. “But Baroness, the Commander does not like to dance, and I—”
“I could try,” he said.
Trevelyan stared at him. She thought of a thousand questions in response to this. But somehow, the only one she could quite manage was:
“What?”
“If you would like to.”
Oh. Well, there was little chance of her saying anything other than, “Yes.”
The Baroness grinned, relishing in her triumph. “Go on, then,” she said, “enjoy.”
Easier said than done. At least Trevelyan had danced enough jigs with Lady Erridge to know what she was to do with them, now. In her mind, as they walked to the floor, she went over the steps. Left, left, kick, clap. Switch. Then to the right? But—
The music grew in volume. Yet it sounded like no jig she’d ever heard. Trevelyan realised that the musicians had betrayed her. Not a jig. Not at all.
Sweet, slow strings floated across the hall. A… romantic melody, that had couples approaching the floor. Dear Maker fucking Andraste shitting Void. People linked hands and put them on waists and Trevelyan realised that she was in the midst of it, surrounded, and there was no escape, and she would have to do those things herself.
She faced the Commander. Maker, why did he have to look so pretty and be so sweet? This sort of thing was far simpler with unimportant suitors that one could so easily discard after, even if one did step on their toes.
He offered a hand. Trevelyan’s shook.
But still, they met.
Her fingers slid into his palm, sensing the warmth that emanated from beneath the leather of his glove. The feeling of his skin, however rugged or tender, was cruelly left to the imagination. She savoured it regardless.
Her other hand gathered up her skirts, like the rest of the dress-wearers were doing. Almost in position. There was simply one last thing to emulate—
The Commander’s hand moved for her waist, hesitant in its approach. The first touches of his fingertips—gentler even than that of cotton or down—caused her body to tense. She did not know how she was to bear his entire hand.
But his hand stopped short. It instead hovered over the fabric of her dress, as if afraid to press any further. Disappointing.
Nevertheless, the gentle strings of anticipation harmonised into a symphony. Dancing commenced, and the Commander’s feet shifted. Trevelyan mirrored his steps. Her nerves hit a peak.
And then, began to fade.
Because dancing with him was unlike dancing with anyone she had danced with before. It felt different. Gentler. Warmer. Safer. No pressure for extravagance, or flourish. It almost did not matter if she was dancing well or not. It was only him that mattered.
“You should dance more often,” she whispered to him. “You do it well.”
He smiled, softly, and said, “All right.”
Her words must have emboldened him, for his grip around her hand firmed and strengthened, and he drew her closer by its pull. His other hand slipped around her back, fitting perfectly into the mold of her body. The gap between them was more indistinct than ever.
Yet in that closeness was comfort. Her head, laid on his shoulder. The warmth of his chest, felt within her own. That gentle, soothing sway they shared. She let her eyes fall shut, the dancers fall away, and listened only to the beat of his heart. Trevelyan could have stayed like that for an eternity.
But the music slowly, gradually, dulled to quiet. The other dancers reappeared around them, the party audible once more. It was over.
They came to a standstill. Trevelyan’s hand reluctantly left his grasp; his trailed away from her waist. Yet still, she smiled, for nothing could take it from her lips.
“Thank you,” she said.
“Of course,” he replied.
“I shan’t make you dance another.”
“That’s… all right.” He rubbed his neck. “Will you, ah, be stargazing tonight?”
She played with her dress. “Most likely.”
“Ah. Good.”
She curtsied, he bowed. He left, she stayed. Her feet still wobbled, a little.
But she would have to recover quickly. For she turned to her side, and saw complete what had, until now, been only a disruption in her periphery: the Ladies, huddled together, in keen observance.
Trevelyan shook her head, and, before they could open their mouths, told them firm:
“Not one word.”
#unwanted fic#unwanted#cullen rutherford#cullen x trevelyan#commander cullen#we're back in the tag baby!#hoping to have next chapter ready for tues-weds#and then the chapter after for fri-sat#this was the longest and hardest to edit of the three#when they take ages to edit i have to be able to step away for a while before i can enjoy the chapter as it is#because brain continues to be in editing mode#definitely one i feel like i'll come back to and be like 'wait no this slapped actually'#EDIT: 7/5 i've been continuing to tinker with this#CONT: i feel i may have released it a tad earlier than i should as it was good!! but it wasn't great#CONT: i have added some connective tissue and embellished some key moments that i felt were lacking#edit 23/10/24: i just hate chapters with a lot of transitions i like it to be one solid block of thing but so much went on in this#cont: i've got it to a point where i'm satisfied and i hope one day i return to it and go 'oh this slaps actually'#cont: LOL I WROTE THAT TAG WITHOUT READING MY PREVIOUS I ALREADY SAID THAT#cont: well i guess it didnt come true the first time but seconds the charm#edit 24/10/24: ahhahahahahahhahah
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cant stop thinking about the 5-star promotions and how they treated a full album like it was an ep with no b-side promos and the s-class music show promos lasted barely two weeks.. and how they didn’t even let the album marinate at all and just announced the jpn ep and the dome tour like damn why are we in such a hurry
#and they were so excited about this cb even when they were promoting maxident#it’s like they just brushed the album under the carpet and immediately jumper to the next thing#jumped*#like i just feel like we should’ve gotten more out of this album#also i really dont understand the timing of this jpn ep like since they already put out the sound earlier this year#it’s probably gonna be like this in the future too#they’ll release the second album that was mentioned in step out after that jpn tour is done#and they’ll give it the same treatment and announce a world tour#we had it so good before with them having showcases and promoting bsides for their releases 💔
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im so incredibly grateful that im back to painting and writing again. i was so overwhelmed by everything happening at the time that i stopped for literally 5 years straight pretty much. now all i want to be doing is write and paint
#tho i will say it was majorly prompted by the need to vent or i wld have kms#i was so insanely suicidal one night that it was either get this out of my body somehow or end up in the hospital el oh el.#then i just fell in love w it again. thank GOD. so it’s all good lmao#next step is to stop feeling like i have to procure smth perfect for it to be worth it. idk if we’ll overcome that one folks
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how many times do we need to learn as people that irony and hyperbole can be harmful because 'jokes' aren't easily distinguished from genuine thoughts and feelings until we stop rewarding people for speaking or posting about violence
like even if you're joking/don't actually believe that/think whoever you are insulting is bad/immoral/fictional therefore deserves it - ad hominem attacks always do more harm to the people who share those characteristic then the individual you intend to cause harm to or discredit
#discourse#long post#its genuinely erased so much of my enjoyment of 911blr knowing i have to check accounts or risk seeing bullying/hate#l like its an odd feeling to know that so many people in the same fandom as you actively hold hate or find hate funny against your communit#like tired of people saying others are too sensitive because we dont want to hear or see a person say they want to hurt themself or others#like sorry i put in the work everyday to not let my mental health backslide and to enjoying being alive and accept my queerness#while others seemingly have not#and i know the content i post/share is not all in the same circles as that certain blog and i hate that it still grinds my gears but#its so frustrating to see the cruel glee people have#saying things they would never say to anyone's face irl and only to other blindly devoted/similar bullies#like do these people realise that they are on a razor's edge between 'ironic jokes' and just outright bigotry and threats - like do they#literally the only thing seperating That and conservative bigots is that the bigots are honest about their hatred towards minorities#like a lot of people in the fandom seemingly still need to deal with a lot of intenalised homophobia/racism and just outright hate-#especially regarding queer men and men of colour#because i can not be emphasise enough#It is NOT GOOD OR HEALTHY to be a fully grown adult that actively derives joy from the idea of enacting hate crimes#like you can hate tommy you can want him off the show even want him to die like weird but go off#but its such a next step to unprompted talk about [a character i dislike/hate/dont ship/disrupts my fanon endgame] in derogatory ways -#with rhetoric that straight up is out of terf/rel. right/homophobic/racists bigots and evokes violent hate-crimes......#well i feel sorry for those people cause what a miserable life to spend so much of it unable to enjoy your own life that you target others#anyways I know this is too long but I'm just a very tired man who has studied history and education and working with kids i have seen it -#too many times- harmful words coming from harmful environments or creating harmful actions and thereby perpetuating the cycle of violence#also not super relavent but as Latino Australian i am genuinely appauled at how many people have in their bio they are also Australian-#while actively liking/reblogging and engaging with post that find homophobic violence a funny haha joke - as if activist in our country -#aren't actively trying to dismantle homophobic and transphobic laws regarding issues like conversion therapy#like I know professors that actively got fired for being gay while teaching in religious education context - and its still happening!#so for people to forget so quickly what progress has been made and how much it took and how easy it is to loose - disappointing#(and its the same people who wanna pretend mardi gras is nothing but a party as if 78rs didn't risk their jobs/safety/lives)
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i need them to put eddie in a coma so he can have his own little coma dream realization
#like can you imagine#maybe he didnt reenlist#maybe hes got that perfect little romantic life he keeps thinking he had with shannon#maybe they stayed in el paso#or the three of them moved to la together when shannons mom got sick#and maybe eddie isnt a firefighter maybe he went into contracting or landscaping because he likes to work with his hands#or maybe he went into nursing because he likes helping people#but hes living a perfect little life with a son and wife and their white picket fence but he cant shake the feeling that something is wrong#he pulls aside for a firetruck on his way to work and something about it makes him feel funny like he misses something#and so he asks shannon when he gets home#hey did i ever apply to the fire academy#and she says no why would you have done that?? as she places a warmed frozen lasagna down on the diner table#he watches chris pick at his plate and swears that chris loved lasagna#and maybe hes out on his lunch break at the park and he hears a woman cry and run to find a man collapsed on the ground and shes panicking#so he tells her to call 911 and he starts compressions#the fire department shows up and hen and chim take his place and he fills them in before stepping back#youre good under pressure buck says from beside him#and eddie just kinda looks at him for a second because#he feels right#this feels right#being right here beside this man with a crooked grin on his face feels right#but eddie just shrugs and says well i was in the army kinda came with the territory#and then bobbys voice crackles through the radio buck i told you to stop flirting on calls get in the truck now#and buck returns an ay ay captain and winks at eddie before hopping in the firetruck#he watches engine 118 drive away and thinks he should be right next to buck in that truck#okay i got carried away but i need it#like there are so many possibilities for eddie coma dream and like#tim listen to me i need you to do think i need eddie to be put into a coma so he can realize that his life now is everything hes needed
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